Real Reported Airline Announcement by Air Crew

Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

a.. From a Southwest Airlines employee .... "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."

b.. Pilot-"Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land...it's a bit cold outside, and if
you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."

c.. After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.

d.. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

e.. After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure
as hell everything has shifted."

f.. From a Southwest Airlines employee.... "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt and if you
don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more.

g.. Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."

h.. "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation and in the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments."

i.. "As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

j.. "Last one off the plane must clean it."

k.. From the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry... Unfortunately none of them are on this flight...!

l.. Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant came on the PA and announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"

m.. Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

n.. An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally, everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I as you a question?" "Why no, Ma'am," said the pilot, "what is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?"

o.. After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt up against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.

p.. Part of a Flight Attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of us here at US Airways."

Negaraku adapted from a Hawaiian melody?

Biar betul !! Berbelas tahun aku dok nyanyi lagu Negaraku tiap tiap pagi Isnin, dengan penuh perasaan patriotik dan semangat berkobar-kobar, rupanya sebuah lagu Hawaii ?? aloha !!

Dengan pantas aku masuk opis terus online cari more info. Rupanya dah keluar paper 30 Ogos 2005, tapi kureng sikit impactnya. Mungkin sebab orang melayu tak banyak baca The Star, expecially pakcik-pakcik senior yang dulu berpeluhkan darah memperjuangkan kemerdekaan tanah air.

Hari ini segalanya berubah apabila radio no 1 melayu, bak kata dah terang lagi di suluh isu ini.

Tiada terima kasih pada bapak-bapak, ibu-ibu menteri, yang asyik mengkritik artis, semata-mata nak tumpang publisiti murahan.

Kredit di beri pada Ramli MS kerana berani mencadangkan agar melodi Negaraku di kaji semula samaada perlu di tukar atau tidak.

Aku kata, tukar sahaja. Hentikan serta merta nyanyian lagu Negaraku sehingga melodi baru di terbitkan, oleh anak tempatan.

Lagu original boleh di download di site bawah.

LAGU HAWAII

BA (Hon) Real Husband

For those of you who are married, were married, or are contemplating marriage under the assumption that men need (or ought) to be trained for marriage…

TWO YEAR DEGREE COURSE

A new two-year degree is being offered at the University that many of you should be interested in:

Becoming a Real Man. That’s right, in just six mini-semesters, you, too, can be a real man as well as earn a MA degree. (Male Arts)

Please take a moment to look over the program outline.

FIRST YEAR

Autumn Schedule:

MEN 101: Combating Stupidity

MEN 102: You, Too, Can Do Housework

MEN 103: PMS-Learn To Keep Your Mouth Shut

MEN 104: We Do Not Want Sleazy Under things for Christmas

Winter Schedule:

MEN 110: Wonderful Laundry Techniques

MEN 111: Understanding the Female Response to Getting in at 4am

MEN 112: Parenting: It Doesn’t End with Conception

EAT 100: Get a Life, Learn to Cook

EAT 101: Get a Life, Learn to Cook II

ECON 001A: What’s Hers is Hers

Spring Schedule:

MEN 120: How NOT to Act like a Butt Face when you’re Wrong

MEN 121: Understanding Your Incompetence

MEN 122: YOU, The Weaker Sex

MEN 123: Reasons to Give Flowers

ECON 001C: What Was Yours is Hers

SECOND YEAR

Autumn Schedule:

SEX 101: You CAN Fall Asleep without It

SEX 102: Morning Dilemma: If It’s Awake, Take a Shower

SEX 103: How to Stay Awake After Sex

MEN 201: How To Put the Toilet Seat Down

(Elective)

(See Electives Below)

Winter Schedule:

MEN 210: The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency

MEN 211: How to Not Act Younger than Your Children

MEN 212: You, Too, Can be a Designated Driver

MEN 213: Honest, You Don’t Look Like Brad Pitt

MEN 230A: Her Birthdays and Anniversaries are Important

Spring Schedule:

MEN 220: Omitting %&*!@ from Your Vocabulary (Pass/Fail Only)

MEN 221: Fluffing the Blanket after Farting Is NOT Necessary

MEN 222: Real Men Ask For Directions

MEN 223: Thirty Minutes of Begging is NOT Considered Foreplay

MEN 230B: Her Birthdays and Anniversaries are Important II

Course Electives:

EAT 102: Cooking with Tofu

EAT 103: Utilization of Eating Utensils

EAT 103: Burping and Belching Discreetly

MEN 231: Mothers-In-Law

MEN 232: Appear to Be Listening

MEN 233: Just Say “Yes, Dear”

ECON 001C: Cheaper to Keep Her

Just a thought for all the women out there.

MENtal Illness

MENstrual cramps

MENtal breakdown

MENopause

GUYnocologist (phonetic spelling)

Malaysia Top Bank

People ahead

368-5 = 363


Standard practise 2 counter bukak.

363/2 = 181 person queue per counter


Service time 2 min per person

181 x 2 = 362 minutes @ 6 hours

Current time 13:26 ... + 6 = 18:26


The note should be......

Sila balik. Anda tidak akan dilayan hari ni. Waktu operasi dibuka dari jam 9:30 pagi sampai 4:30 petang. Anda boleh terus duduk sehingga jam 18:26, tetapi sila duduk di luar selepas jam 4:30 petang.

Tribunal Tuntutan Pengguna

Tribunal Tuntutan Pengguna, korang tau ke bende ni?

Kalau korang tak puas hati dengan barang yang korang beli, ada reasonable reason why you should get back your money, tapi apek kedai tu refuse to return back your money...... cakap dia see you in court.

Bermodalkan RM5 korang boleh file tuntutan dengan berlawyerkan diri sendiri. Korang boleh bawak kawan tolong jari juru cakap kalau korang gabra, boleh gak panggil saksi kalau nak sokong korang nyer point.

Tapi tengok jugak la jumlah $$$ yang nak tuntut, kalau takat puluh puluh ringgit, tak yah la, buat malu diri jer depan orang. Court session bukan buat in privacy, tapi penuh orang tunggu turn bicara. Lagipun dari filling process sampai la korang boleh dapat balik duit tu amik masa kurang 2 bulan la.

And make sure kes korang strong la. That mean apek penjual tu dah cuba sedaya upaya untuk tolong korang seadanya dan finally deliver apa yang dia janji. Kalau alasan lose confident in the product deliver, tak layan nyer.

Aku punya case.

Aku hantar kereta ke mekanik kecil-kecilan, bayar RM700 lepas seminggu kereta tak repair gak. Aku amik balik kereta tapi tak dapat balik RM700 deposit tu. Aku bayar duit tu kat mekanik yang uruskan kereta aku, tapi mekanik tu songlap duit tu.

Bermodalkan receipt bercop rasmi dan signature owner atas resit tu, aku menang case despite banyak tipu helah celaka tu try. Resit tu bukti kuat, walaupun celaka tu kata aku paksa dia sign. Fark la... aku cakap kat Judge, kat kedai tu aku sorang, dia dan pekerja dia 4 orang. Gagah pulak aku main paksa paksa.

Court ruling dia kena bayar gak RM520 lepas tolak duit timing belt yang dia repair. Benda lain haram tak repair. Dia kena bayar dalam masa 14 hari, dia bayar hari ke 15. Ikut hanti aku bakar je bengkel dia.

Menarik gak lepak dalam court dengar case orang lain.

Case 1 : Couple tua india muslim vs Maid Agent, case Indian maid lari balik ke agency, alasan tak tahan kena mentally abuse. Cleint ament agreement kurangkan salary.

Court ruling, takde... to be further review.

Case 2 and 3 : Car Sales Agent (Naza) vs Picanto buyer & Citra buyer. Kereta tak dapat after 7 and 11 months. Janji 3 bulan.

Court ruling, refund deposit in full.

Sesiapa nak beli citra dn picanto, rethink!

Case 4 : Kedai hendpone Vs Panasonic Buyer. Dalam masa 11 bulan handphone 3 kali hantar repair rosak. Kali ke empat colour screen spilt. 4 bulan repaired. Owner mintak full refund.

Court ruling ..... since phone dah di baiki and in good condition masa tu, court menang kan company henpone, no refund. Tapi that company must pay ganti rugi "menyusahkan orang" sebanyak RM70.

Itu lady panasonic owner tak puas hati, sambil berjalan keluar lalu tapi aku, aku dengar dia bebel....."Tau la aku nak buat apa! kau tunggu la! tau la aku nak balas!"

Perkkkkk !!! ganazzzzz..... ape dia nak buat gamaknya... bakar kedai kot?

Kalau rajin hari sabtu korang gi la layan. Just masuk duduk diam diam dah ler. Shah Alam PKNS tingkat 3, cari sign Mahkamah Tribunal. BUkan pejabat Tuntutan Tribunal. Biasanya start 10.30 pagi sampai pukul 1-2. Of course boleh keluar masuk la.

20 Most Glamorous Women - Malaysia

Tak ikut susunan. Hilang akal ke ape juri yang short listed 20 nama ni. Glamourous ke gila glamour.... ntah ler... dua dua pun tak sesuai. Yang category senior citizen pun ada, yang penuh celuloid pun ada, yang tak cukup isi pun ada dan yang paling best, yang bermata jembol pun boleh masuk list.

Lantak korang ler.

ANGELINE CUMMINGS
ARIANA TEOH
DATIN ADIB YASMIN
DEANNA YUSOFF
EJA
ERRA FAZIRA
JACQUELINE LEE
JURIAH JAMIL
KAVITA SIDHU
NANU
UMIE AIDA
PAULA MALAI
SHAFINAZ
SHIDA
SOONG AI LING
SORAYA DEAN
TAN SU WEI
ZIANA ZAIN
KUZA
IDA NERINA